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Be a good father

In modern society, to be a father is really an important duty. It is really not easy to be able to "play hard", "earn a lot", as well as to form a parent-child relationship and raise the children together with your wife. A good parent-child relationship cannot be built in a day, and parents have to take really a lot of time and energy. If you can be a good father, not only can you make your children grow up healthy and happy, you will also make your life more abundant.

Do you agree with the following views on being a father?

1. Praising children a lot will make them proud.
   Agree Disagree
   
   
2. What parents said are mostly true, so children should not disobey.
   Agree Disagree
   
   
3. Teaching children to do homework is the responsibility of my wife.
   Agree Disagree
   
   
4. Matters concerning daily life, such as extra-curricular activities or what clothes to wear, should be arranged by parents.
   Agree Disagree
   
   
5. Father is the head of a family, and should always maintain an image of authority.
   Agree Disagree
   
   
6. It is enough to "love" children with one's heart, and not necessary to say it.
   Agree Disagree
   
   
7. If the father is too kind, the children will disregard his teaching.
   Agree Disagree
   
   
8. Occasions like parent-teacher association gathering, parent-child sports day, speech day, can be attended just by the mother, it is most important for the father to earn a living for the family.
   Agree Disagree
   
   
9. When children meet something unhappy, they will calm down very soon, so when they feel unhappy, there is no need to pay attention to them.
   Agree Disagree
   
   
10. Children have to obtain grade A in at least 5 subjects in the HKCEE in order to have a better prospect.
    Agree Disagree

If you agree with any of the above views, it means that you have "outdated" concepts of parenting. Such wrong concepts can exert pressure on your children and may even create conflicts, thus affecting the communication and relationship between the two generations.

Difficulties of being a father

1. My children say that I am rather quiet, so they are not willing to get close to me.
   
   In order to create a deep parent-child relationship with our children, sometimes we have to learn a kind and humorous way of communication. In this way, the children will feel that the father is easy to get close to. The father can learn to listen to the needs and thoughts of the children. More admiration and encouragement, less correcting and lecturing, so that the children will like to get close to and communicate with the father.
   
   
2. My children always complain that I do not spare time to keep them company. When I come home from work, they have already gone to sleep. On Saturdays and Sundays, I have to work too.
   
   To cultivate a parent-child relationship, it is really necessary to have enough time to get together in order to understand the needs of children. Facing heavy workload and the pressure of living, the father really has to give more thoughts to time management so as to balance the needs of work and family. You can first arrange time for family gathering and then your work. If you cannot arrange time for family gathering for the time being, you may consider writing slips, making phone calls or taking recorded messages to show concern for your children.
   
   
3. My children always say that I am too strict. What should I do?
   
   As a father in modern society, the way of teaching children is certainly different from that of the older generation. Nowadays, the community generally regards that one should bear in mind beliefs like "respect", "human rights", "equality" and "freedom" when communicating with your children. Therefore, "beating and scolding" and "corporal punishment" are already out of accord with the times. These ways of teaching cannot gain support, nor make the children accept the teaching, and may even cause hatred and confrontation, thus affecting your relationship with children. You can try to analyze the problem and principles with your children to form good communication, and to save enough "private space" for them under mutual trust and respect.
   

To be a good father in a relaxed and easy manner, you can take the following hints:

Be more caring and easy to get close to

1. The father needs to keep company of his children and know every side of them in order to form a close relationship;
   
   
2. The father can also show the tender side towards his children;
   
   
3. Participate more in the parent-child activities held by the children's schools so as to create more topics of talks of interest;
   
   
4. Show more comfort and concern to your children.

Show more admiration and acceptance

1. Pay more attention to and show admiration for your children;
   
   
2. Respect the desires of your children and understand their difficulties;
   
   
3. Listen more to the views of your children;
   
   
4. Praise and confirm more of the achievements of your children and relieve unnecessary stress.
   

Source:

Social Welfare Department brochure on fathering.

Who Else Can Help?

Child Care Hotline of Tung Wah Group of Hospitals
Phone : 2770 2262